Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space

I have started to make a soundtrack to my own disappearance. Constructing in my head and semi-actively on a tape songs and albums I would take with me when I run away. Not that I plan on disappearing, because I don't. But the thought interests me. My decaying green cd case holds thirty discs. What goes in it? My tape, ninty minnutes. And I think, you know, it has been a wile since the Beatles graced the interior of my opitical drive, the stones, much much longer. These days I trafic in Lighning Bolt and Holy Miranda and Ride, but, they would not make it in. Had I a twelve hour bus trip to a place where once again I knew no one I would revert back to the timeless I think. Arctic Monkeys, Cat Power, The Shins, I think. Music to keep me alive.

Somehow I feel like... I'm at an end. or, more that I'm at The end. That my story is closing. "And after the hardship and the struggle and the unrestrained joy, stuart came to pratt to die."

I don't plan on dying. Its just a feeling.

I don't know why I'm feeling like this right now. I'll snap out of it.

all i want in life

Wake

I have been thinking a bit about the concept of transience. Last saturday (thats how long I've been meaning to write this post. Its been a fucking busy week)...Last saturday I saw so many amazing things, so many incredible little happenings that I experienced one by one by accident. All by my self, without my camera. And I think - I have to tell someone about this. I have to let someone know of all the small magical insignificant moments that occurred. And then I thought that no. How brilliant it is that there is no evidence. How amazing that I would be the only one to experience this day just as I experienced it and it would never happen again. How amazing that these things were here and gone. And if noone else could have the day like I did then why try to give them that experience, knowing that your attempts are futile. And so I didn't talk about it, except to tell people that saturday was good, and I didn't talk about it again, and I didn't talk about it again.

And I think, art, in itself, is a lie. Sure its a lie to tell the truth but why should it hold up next to the unadulterated truth? Yes a photograph can be beautiful, and movies intoxicating, and paintings and sculpture and music and so on. But my eyes see in billions of colors with gigantic resolution and infinite color depth. My ears here crystal clear uncompressed audio in ten thousand point surround sound. My skin feels the wind and the pavement and the rush of this city pulsing through my vains. I am the perfect entertainment system with beautiful experiences displayed through it eighteen hours a day, every day I live, and if I payed a bit more attention to it then I would perfect the art of living.

but that burden's not on you

Girl Afraid

There's a scene in a lot of movies and tv shows and general feel good pulp where an older person is asked about their life and this person says "yes, it was hard, but you know what? If I went back I would do it all again the same. I don't regret anything" and I think bull shit. and I think you know what? if I went back again I would do it all differently I would change every single tiny thing I did. I regret everything. I do. I regret everything.

but really, I don't want to go back. the thought of doing so would keep me up at night. even the good parts were bad and thinking of it any other way I think would be lying to myself. It has all been such a struggle every single goddamn step and though I suppose its turned out alright which is to say thouse struggles made me who I am now and I like who I am, does that make them worth it? If I was stuck back as me as a three year old and told "well, your going to have the next fifteen years as constant struggle, and probably more after that, but it will be worth it becasue at eighteen you'll like the person you are" would I go for it? would I think that was worth it? I don't think so.

but thouse fifteen years are over now and I will never have to repeat them. amen.

i'll never make that mistake again

Stars Of Track And Field

When we used to have to run the mile I used to think damn I wish I was me an hour from now. I will no longer be sweaty and tired and, most importantly, I will no longer be running and I will not have a mile left to do infront of me. I will be done with the work and able to reap the benefit. And you know what? Theres so much we do for Stuart an hour from now, or ourselves next year or in the vauge fucking future and now I thinking Fuck stuart of the future. That jackass benefiting off of my work. Fuck you Stuart looking back on this a year from now thinking how far you've come from this point. How stupid, how imature, stuart of fall 2009 is. Fuck you. You're not even me anymore, your someone else, someone I can't predict.

And I think how much stuart of winter 2008 was and idiot, and I think of how stuart of summer 2001 would hate me and be ashamed of his association if we ever met, and I guess I don't care. They don't exist any more.

This heart ache is worse then I though it would be. Its been four weeks. I should be over this. I Need to be over this. I don't want to feel this way any longer.

make a new cult every day to suit your affairs

Stadiums and Shrines II

Amelie is one of my favorite movies. Just want to get that out there before I start.

Its set in the summer of '97 (is that corect? I can't remeber right now) right after Princes Diana died. This has nothing at all to do with the plot. And yet it hovers there in the background, because (and I do remember that point in time) at that moment news of Diana was everywhere, unavoidable, even though it didn't fit in with the plot of our own individual lives.

In June, as you may have herd, Michael Jackson died. As a result, for the enire summer every single store you walked into instead of playing their own shit the usual elivator crap they played Michael Jackson. Every single goddamn store.

I want to set a movie in the summer of '09.

This among other things gave the summer a sort of... well not magical,... but detached feel. It felt unrealistic, removed from real life. It was really really unsettling to me. I mentioned to Diana once this summer (not the princes) that every time I go to new york in a week my entire life in California seems...unreal. seems like something I dreamed up in high feavor, and yet every time I come back new york seems sureal, a dream. I told her I know that when I return to the east that the entire summer will fall apart in my mind and I didn't want that to happen. It has. This summer has become incredibly difficult for me to believe, its something that happoned to someone else, something I made up. And yet... I can't let go of it. I stay up thinking of it at night, destracts me during class. I want this summer back. I was melencholy and detatched and restless through the whole thing but, It was magical. I can't believe it. Did that happen? Am I asleep?

Today is 9/9/09. The Beatles remasters were reliesed today. Every store I walked into had them playing on the radio. Am I asleep?

A FANTASY

by Stuart Solomon
(forgive me, I have forgoten proper scrip format. In my defence when I took that class I never thought I would ever wright a script. Just direct.)

No establishing shot.

First angle is a medium shot slightly over the sholder of BOY who is sitting on a squat marble (or other stone) wall, eating penne with maranera out of a plastic container. His eyes are just slightly bloodshot or iritated.

After a moment GIRL enters the screen from the left side of the frame carying a notebook and a relatively thing textbook.

Girl (smiles): Hey!

Boy (looks up): Hey. What you up to?

Girl (stops walking for a moment): Um... Not much, heading in.

Boy: Um (he takes a small bite and chews for a beat)... Do you want to go somewhere?

Girl: Um...where?

Boy (puts his plastic fork down): Um... I don't know. We could, uh, jump in the fountain at Rockefeller Center or like a dinner downtown. (he looks strained) The.. or, the promenade, uh, Brooklyn Hights, that's always nice.

Girl: Um, well din't you say earlyer...

Boy: Yeah, uh, I have homework. I'll,...like...stay up all night or something...

Girl: Ummmm, alright. But, uh... why?

Boy (shrugs and looks up at her): I'm just in, like, one of those moods.

Girl (bights lower lip softly and looks around): could I... just run and put my stuff down?

Boy: no. Thats not how it works.

Girl: I think... No, I don't, I don't think so. (makes a kind of apologetic face) Sorry!

Jump cut to camera on dolly swiftly circleing to the left. After under a half second cut to the exact same shot that was shown several seconds before (a kind of rewind)

Girl: I think... um, ok. sure.

Boy stands up. They walk twords the campas exit, boy with left hand in his pocket. He throughs away the container of pasta along the way.



This is a fantasy. Why? Because I don't have the corage to ask a girl. Or maybe I do. I think I could pull that together easy I guess if I was indeed in that kind of mood. Why else is it a fantasy? Because no girl would say yes. or even if they did it wouldn't be the same. Nothing goes to scrip. No matter how good of a writer you are, how realisit, nothing goes to scrip. Its all a fantasy. This is not going to happen. I will not jump a subway with some unsuspecting girl and go do something crazy and meaningless and amazing. its just a fucking feel good fantasy.

you see something to cheer about, i'll tell you that its mine.

High Tide

I can't sleep and in the middle of the night I make side a of a mixtape and I think they don't need to be hard. This can be easy. the next day I make the b side. easy. no more then an hour and a half total time within twenty four hours. easy. Its not as good as the last one but ok. I don't usualy name them but this one I do.

Yes! I am a long way from home.
September 2-3, 2009

Side A

Dilaudid - The Mountain Goats
Yes! I am a long way from home - Mogwai
Did You See The Words - Animal Collective
Been A Long Time Cousin - Hella
How It Ends - DeVotchKa
Darts of Pleasure - Franz Ferdinand
Is This It? - The Strokes

Side B

Satellite Skin - Modest Mouse
Kids, We Have Your Back - O! Lucky Man
Keep Yourself Warm - Frightened Rabit
Only Shallow - My Bloody Valentine
Cherry Tulips - Headlights
Crazy/Forever - Japandroids
Metal Heart - Cat Power

this summer, forever

Keep Yourself Warm

Theres a lyric and for the life of me I can't remember what song or what band wrote it and it goes

"once you see the end its all over"




and that is to say i think that the minnute you start worrying about your childhood ending you will never be a kid again and the second a band trys to recapure the sound they used to have they will never have anything again and the second you can see that if you don't do something your group of friend will fall apart its too late already and the moment you can glimps that light at the end you are already in that light and the minnute you notice in a relationship that something has changed you will never again get to the honneymoon once you see the end its all over

the thing is

you see the end from the day after school ends

summer is about comming to terms with this

please I want to come to terms with this

wont find love in a hole