I'm told I have a distinct walk. Not that its a compliment or anything, most people have distinct walks, I sometimes think I could pick out silloettes of my friends just based on their walks. But ever since I was told that I have been trying to notice how I walk. But I can't. Because everytime FUCK YOU STEREO RECIEVER because everytime I try to pay attention to it I start walking differently. The moment I start to notice how I walk I cant do my walk anymore. Its one of thouse things I think you have to catch out of the corner of you eye, so to speak. To notice compleatly by accedant. There are a lot of things about ones self like that and it bugs the hell out of me.
I've been digging this site for a few weeks now:http://butdoesitfloat.com/. I think its been up for about a month with new posts showcasing a different artist almost every day. Amazing stuff.
That shit sounds like a drum kit being thrown down the stairs
If it seems like I hate you it is because I hate you. I HATE YOU I hate you and I want you dead. I'm just getting this feeling that everyone has let me down. And that statement sucks because it makes it seem as if I hold my self up high and think evryone else has not lived up to my level but thats not how I ment the statement to read. I don't mean to sound like I think of myself as supirior. I don't. thats not compleatly true. I am an arogent prick. I do think I am better then most people. But I don't think I am better then these who have let me down. You have let me down. ethan has let me down. parker has let me down. Travis who I don't even fucking know has let me down. My mom has let me down. Both my sisters as well. If I am honest I truly hate Joy. And I want you to be dead. And I can't fucking sleep.
Hissing Fauna Are You The Destroyer? Where dose that take me? Last May in the bart train with Adrian "Ana says of Montreal aren't psychedelic, but they totally are!" and Travis "Maybe I'll just run away to Athens Georgia and join the Elephant Six collective" and I didn't know what the elephant 6 was. Me and Ethan walking off of Telegraph Ave. him explaining to me in one of those wide eye'd 'I cant put to words how much this music means and how much it means' how The Past Is A Grotesque Animal was a man hating himself because of how stuck he was in intense love for his wife "its embarrassing to need someone like I need you". Something I herd Maxine say to Parker or someone told me she said in early september "I can't listen to of Montreal anymore because your not here". Walking up seventh ave into Chelsey looking for a photo specialty shop listening to the Ethan curated Strawberry Jam/one song Poison Control Center/A brief introduction to of Montreal cd going away present that typified my early week and two in the city here The Past Is... and clutching on to the ''things could be different but their not!". But that was nine months ago when I was a different person. In the first few month when I was so fucking small and scared and lying to myself and everyone at home and despaired about the girl. Stuart as Strawberry Jam/of Montreal introduction period. And now I at the peak of my arrogance I-don't-give-a-shit fueled super confidence everything I was not with Strawberry Jam instead being in full swing Stuart as Experimental/Noise/Brit Pop/burn the past/bitterness/insomnia/"I hope you die, I HOPE WE BOTH DIE" period. and I finally bite my fucking tongue and let go my doubts and buy Are You The Destroyer an even year after my friends jumped into it because I found it for two dollars on a record label garage sale. and its everything. and this time I clutch on to instead "we want our films to be beautiful, not realistic" "Let's just have some fun
Let's tear this shit apart
Let's tear the fucking house apart
Let's tear our fucking bodies apart
but Let's just have some fun"
...let's And if anything its made me hate Barnes more. His hedonistic over grandiose self indulgent self important white horse bull shit as he threw momentum all away on the next record. I lost that going away present cd in november and I don't know where Animal Collective now stands in my mind. I have not talked to Ethan in Months. I don't remember the last time I was in Chelsey. and don't get me started about the girl. but some how this is mine again. Its embarrassing to need someone like...
[this has also been posted at styrofoam boots but I thought it deserved to be here as well]