that wasn't the point
the point I was trying to make is when i was depressed I thought well i'd give so much in order to be happy. I would compromise. and when I started to be happy I thought well this is great far be it from me to complain but depression is better its truer I think better thoughts when depressed I'm humbler and smarter and more artistic an more honest. And now I'm seeing so many depressed people who just wallow in themselves and think oh i am a victum oh why is life like this oh everything is falling apart. And today i think I was probably like that when depressed. not honest not humble not smart not true. And today i thought i am not happy certainly. But I am so far from depressed, depressed is at the moment descusting to me. And today i thought well what am i cause i am not emotionless, i am not content there has to be something an i realized my state of mind is angry. I AM ANGRY. and I think maybe I was wrong all along maybe angry is the way to be.
because angry lets me say stand up fuck you you are to blame for your depression you are not living before you die and it lets me say THANK GOD that everything is falling apart because I want to build it again and much better then you did and THANK GOD that i don't believe in forever because forever is boring as fuck and i don't want to die because forever is death, its giving up,its seeking confort instead of the best you do need to destroy what you have in order to create and thank god that i am angry an thank your god that i just don't care.
I love the falling apart. I love this transitory. I love the beauty in the breakdown. I love this anger.
anywhere feels like home