10.7.10

Hajnal

so it seems to me that in many situations there are three main points of view, and these seem to be affecting a lot of things in my life so I'mma gonna dissect them.

the first one, for the sake of this, I call the General Self-Antagonizing perspective (or the depressive's perspective), which states that whenever something goes wrong it is my fault and I as a whole am bad because of it (or that I am a whole am bad, as demonstrated by this failure).

the second perspective I call the General Others-Antagonizing perspective (or the cynic's perspective), which states that whenever something goes wrong it is completely the fault of the other people involved in the situation, with little or no fault my own.

the third point of view I call the Specific Antagonizing perspective, which states when something goes wrong it's my fault and I should change it.

now to put these in better conxtext, lets say you realize that the friends you are hanging out with don't match you at all and are generally making you feel terrible:

The Self-Antagonizing person would think there must be something wrong with me that I don't fit in with these people, I must be not normal, and I should change myself to be more accepted.

The Others-Antagonizing person would think people in general (or people my age, or people in this country, etc. etc.) are horrible and don't understand me and I wish the world was better.

and the Specific Antagonizing person would think how the fuck did I get here these people are terrible I need to find a new group.



so this has become a problem in my life you see. to many people I know think they're a horrible un-lovable person on the slightest criticism, and to many people I know are angry at the world for cheating them, for not allowing them to win every time. fuck this shit. you are an amazing person, and there is a lot of goddamn room for improvement.

these are love songs and grief songs