diana said this summer after I said something self deprecating that I act the same around everyone, which is good, and that she herself doesn't. I could have laughed. I definatly don't. but more what she ment is that I act how I feel always and don't (except ocasionaly) sell myself short or act for someone elses benefit. this is true to an extent I guess, though at pratt I do feel like I've been half living and half expressing myself and have being true, but otherwise. I have wild inconsistantcys. I act cute around Jackie a lot for the most part but this is not I think an act its more I think cutesy things around her because its fun to and because I do like thouse things i'm just not able to indulge in them around most people. and I act crazyer around adrian, and calmer around adam and more bombastic around cj and more painfuly depressive on my own, I act like humpry bogart around lilian and neil gaiman around emily and calvin from calvin and hobs around mary and in my head i am neil cassady and so on and on and in all it seems to me sometimes that I have twenty different personalitys and thats ok, or more than ok. exept right now. because I want to be so many people right now. Its not working. Its driving me mad. Its making me feel like I'm lying and selling myself short on all ocassions. its making me feel like a cheater and a crook and its causing a good deal of unceasing noise in my head. perhaps I need to settle on one personality. perhaps I need to stop being so obsessed with myself. probably. I don't know.
which is how we feel most of the time