In regard to many aspects of my life, my point of view and plan of attack seems to stem from that fact that my mother is a hack at what she does. That is, I think she's a hack, and have always thought that shes a hack. Don't get me wrong, she's an amazing person and the best mother a kid could ask for a great at a lot of things and all that, but at her chosen profession she is really not very good at all. And yet. And yet for a huge number of years she was employed in this field, and not only employed but making serious money, for a while over 100k a year. Now she hasn't been able to find a job around that since the dot com bubble burst in 2001, but still, that's ridiculous. But I always knew she was a hack and its always bugged me. And she has always urged me to learn to self-promote, to pitch myself and so on in order to get ahead.

So I went the other way and determined that if I get ahead it will be because I'm the best, to work on improving my skills instead of improving my means to convince people of these skills. And to work towards this not only in myself but to demand it of all things. To buy the product that is better made, not the one with the best marketing campaign, to always try to know which one this is. To find the best movies, not the easiest ones. To work hard to know the difference between something good and something bad. This is whats important to me.

Like Adrian I have somehow been able to work harder towards my goals recently, I don't know why. In that past month I've improved at guitar at speeds which are stunning to me. I've been able to keep up an extreemeley consistant workout routine, I've been teaching myself to cook good food everyday, from ingredients bought at discount, so I don't have to choose between decent health and buying music anymore. I've watched a lot of movies, got a job, a girlfriend.

That being said, I've been able to do all this with what feels like only a marginal amount of work. I can only imagine what I can do with further effort, but whatever it is I need to do it. Now is the time to get ahead not just by being surprisingly good, but by being the best. By working the hardest. And I intend to do it.

and if there is a god he still loves you