Dead Flag Blues

for years, I think since I was in seventh grade and ending last year when I started to receive a certain amount of unexpected female attention, I made a point to avoid looking at myself in mirror. I'd glance at myself momentarily after my morning shower to make sure noting what wildly out of place and then go. don't linger. keep moving. the rest of the day. Why did I do this? because though I was a moron in my younger years I was a rather bright moron and occasionally I'd have some incite. Through the first two grades of middle school I realized that, wile the common assumption is that people look like they act, its generally the opposite: People act how they look.

which is to say if someone looks tall and lanky they'll develop that lanky personality, if they're attractive in a main stream way they'll take to drugs and parties, if they're attractive in a bookish way they'll take to books, if they're not all that attractive in a scrawny way, well, it seems like they'd take to hanging out with me and my friends and ripping on the rest of this well oiled system.

I am ashamed of this but my and my friends even as far as to coin a pseudo-psychological term "ugly girl syndrome" to explain why so many ugly girls (ugly exclusively in a classic sense, not more interesting looking but still ugly girls) had lousy personalities. This happens in greater ratios when the girl is in a group of friends that contains a large amount of attractive girls. The ugly girl feels starved for attention or left out and her personality develops to compensate. Or, an even better explanation, people just treat her like an ugly person. They assume she has the qualities that people who look like her tend to posses and she'll develop these qualities to fit the expectations of those around her.

And similarly, not all tall lanky people have even remotely similar personality, but people from a young age treat them like they do and they conform to these expectations.

another explanation is that they look in the mirror in the morning and impose these expectations on themselves.

so I said fuck that, I am who I am. And when I have no idea what I look like that's not a problem. well, people still treated me like I looked but I was blissfully unaware of why they were treating me that way, and thought them to be crazy.

but that didn't really get me laid.

I got a computer and I told my self that when I got a computer I would start a tumblr. An excuse to engage my purely visual thoughts, and great things I found on the internet, and to generally join the growing community. so here it is: liars.tumblr.com. Unlike the turntable, its meant for mass consumption, I wouldn't mind just anyone finding about about it. In fact, I'd like tons of people to know about it. But its not really for words, at least not in long form, and the turntable will continued to be updated. enjoy.

i said, kiss me you are beautiful - these are truly the last days.