We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

Jackie posted This Is Just To Say on her blog a little wile ago and goddamn I havn't herd that poem in a wile the first time I herd it was in elementary school and it was just a cute thing and I've read some double you see double you recently because of his connections with the beats and letters of incoragement back and forth with Allen Ginsburg in the back of the eddition on Howl I took out from the library a couple months ago but some how I haden't come across that poem again and I read Jackie's post and its amazing and I didn't know what to say sure its cute still and very funny that he would wright that sure but just so crisp so so I don't know I suck at words to explain art all I say is 'I don't Know' all the time but that poem blew me away so sweet so cold so sweet so

This morning I had about two hours to kill before zero hour for busking and its not enough time to watch a movie and the only book I had out from the library was poetry and I was a bit burt out on poetry cause I've been working my way through Dylan Thomas and... whatever anyway I downloaded the most resent podcast of This American Life because Jackie has talked about it a lot and I read a peice about it in the AV Club and I wanted to check it out and at the end there is the poem again and it again was compleatly sublime and then a bunch of parodys after some of which were also so so brillient this is just to say and I guess thats where Jackie herd it too

Basicly I just miss Jackie. So much. Adrian for some reason I can talk to on the phone and thats ok and I don't miss him and all my other friends are, you know, all my other friends. I would go to hell and back for them but right now I have so much art I don't have time to miss them I guess. Too much to do. But with Jackie talking on the phone sucks. It doesn't suck, I mean I enjoy talking to her, but its not enough because it doesn't for some reason stop me from missing here. I'm so glad she's working at the Cafe again on saturdays because that was my day to come in to sit around and sip tea there.

The fourth paragraph goes like this: I don't usualy write things about events and plans I have with people outside of the ones that read this blog. Which is to say that this is not a diary, its a place for me to record and work through my thoughts. But...

The first thing I am doing when I get home, after eating a burrito, is calling Diana and telling her that she is comming on a date with me at Cafeina the next morning. Because breakfast there on a sunny day is the ideal first date in my mind. And also because I know its now become final that she is not going to New York for college next year which she is upset about but if I can't be with her in a more permanant time period at least I can be with her for just the summer and I don't think I could stand being in the same state with her and being seperate. I am writing this here so if Jackie is working that day (I kind of hope shes not, sory) she isn't just finding out about this. If she were just finding out about it she would get all excited for me and make me turn bright red and I don't want that to happen right then. 

The next day or so I'll go back to Cafeina and ask if they're hiring. 

i hope my heart goes first