21.7.09

Paper Planes

Talking to Diana has shown a light on an odd relization about myself: I don't hate the world anymore, and on top of that I don't hate people anymore. And I guess I should say We don't hate the world anymore because it applys to most of my closest friends aswell. We used to talk about it all the time didn't we? we hated people, in some ways that was who I was, that was a part of my self image, my identity. and now its gone, without notice, from me and from you. and I can't be happier. It is, I suppose, because we forgot about it. it sliped our minds. it ran off in the night while we were sleeping. and yet, the world doen't seem an oppressive place anymore, infact the world seems ours for the taking. that it was put here for us. people don't seem the same way, yeah they're there but so what? who cares? how does it concern us? yeah they talk about us and have things to say about us, but lets give them something to fucking talk about. and it feels like freedom.

I have to remmember always that my life is amazing. And my down days are better then the up days of people I know. and if today seems ugly it is only because its held up to the beauty of my life and the beauty of these people I know. And when I get depressed I have to know that this depression is beautiful and singular. and I must remember this because self pitty is disgusting.

But. I am not content, and I don't want to be content. if I am compleatly ok with what I have I will stay with what I have. I don't want a happy life. I don't want a comfortable life or fullfilling life or a rewarding life. I want a Great life. I want a life to be made in to movies, to be writen about in stream of consciousness books. and that Does mean depression and that does mean failure and loanlyness and all sorts of emotions that I could easily avoid if I chose another way. I Rushmore there a line quoted "When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself." and I have this opportunity. I got so fucking lucky somewhere along the way. and I don't intend to waist that.



This mix is the most difficult I have ever made, it took much more time and much more thought then any other tape I have ever created. And it took an entire month from start to finnish. But it is compleated now and it is good. Ment to be everything I used to hate, electronic, dancy, unstructured, new.

Mix 6/20-7/20/2009

Side A

Comfy In Nautica - Panda Bear
American Flag - Cat Power
Tong Track - Menomena
All Mine - Portishead
For Reverend Green - Animal Collective
Young Heart Spark Fire - Japandroids
Abel - The National

Side B

Eraser - No Age
Lunatics - Matt Sheehy
Two Doves - Dirty Projectors
Come Saturday - The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
Oh Messy Life - Cap'n Jazz
Paper Planes - M.I.A.
Elvis - These New Puritans
0078h - M83
Neither of Us, Uncertainly - Deerhunter

swagger like us

1 comment:

Jacquelyn Nan said...

yes yes yes


(i want a copy)