I only get nihilistic fits of rage when I'm alone. the surpressed passionate fury against everything I think and see and taste and am and know that I'm often trying to convay here. to be fare though I only get the passionate feeling of love for art and longing for all I see and taste and hear and am when I'm alone aswell. I used to consider this the real me, more intrisic to who I am then my lighter persona around other people, and I used to be almost mad at myself, thinking me a coward for not showing it around others. no, its not the real me, fuck that. I mean it is but how I act around you is too to the same level. being nihilistic around other people is self indulgent and cheep and not asimaler to someone who always has low self asteem around others. anyway friends keep distracted delving into the conversation or having fun and whats wrong with that? I can feel the passion in either direction on this blog but when I interact, talking to you is more important then the feelings I have about everything. I'm toned down because your awesome and I like you.
come closer and I'll tell you
1 week ago