April and the Phantom

what would i call my theme song. a couple come to mind off the top of my head. split needles alt version has some of my thoughts on life with the driving beat. where is my mind captures a bit of anger and a bit of disalusionment 'your head will colaps because theres nothing in it and you'll ask your self' and its intence but its a bit cliche i guess. somoething clasic i guess clasic for me at least. gimme shelter, or turn the page, or dead leaves and the dirty ground. i suspect that if i definatly had to choose i would pick i am the walrus. its always had the certain resenance with me. its not ment to be figured out but it definatly means something. but right now if i had to answer that essay question i would put bodies the sex pistols. because that song more then any other ever made was created only to destroy. dadaism was like pistols era punk and one of them once said 'We had lost confidence in our culture. Everything had to be demolished.' i dont pretend to know what works. but i know this doesnt. everything has to be demolished but instead im leaving

im not right n im not fakin

Love → Building on Fire

in aol instant messenger it started to allow you to put status messages. Right now mine says Qu'est Que C'est ('whats this' in french). And it says that for a number of reasons. First and foremost its a reference to a talking heads song Psycho killer. But its also a reference to the last phrase I had there, Whats This, being the direct french translation of it. Whats This in turn was a reference to a radiohead song Paranoid android and also referencing that I was going to see radiohead soon after I put that and also in general response to all thats about to change around me. "from all the unborn chicken voices in my head Whats this?" Radiohead in turn is named after a talking heads song of the same name.
Why did I put so much thought in to these things? Because I'm an idiot.

its not love, which is my face, which is a building, which is on fire

Hang Me Up to Dry

Jack is probably the strangest person I know. I mean, anyone can tell you that hes weird but they don't know the half of it. A lot of people are weird when you first meet them but when you get to know them everybody is human. We have hopes, we have fears, we have insecurities, thoughts about the world, so on. Jack has none of these, or at lest none that I've ever seen after knowing him for years. Benji and him were very similar in my mind when I met them because of the jokes and non sequeters. But as I got to know Benji I quickly realized that hes just a guy with ADD and a strong want for people to like him. Jack is not. He is absolute. And though he is a lot of fun to hang out with, and occasionally makes good, intelligent conversation, that aspect of him scares the shit out of me. Theres not a lot to Jack. I don't know what must have happoned to him to push him into such simplicity. People shouldn't be absolutes. People should be people.

Beck has a song called Fuckin With My Head and its in my head. Two parts in particular the chorus 'when you want to be with me then we will see whos fucking with my head!' but mostly the refrain 'I AINT GOT NO SOUL! I AINT GOT NO SOUL! NO NO NO NO!' and thats in my head all day over and over "i aint got no soul!" Becks not my favorite artist, though he may or may not be in my top ten, but his songs seem to effect me in my life more then anyone elses. Why is that? And why is it that nobody else likes beck?

you wrung me out to to to many times

Gloria

fuck you adrian. music isn't about logic. its about feeling it. Today I didn't see a concert. Jonny Greenwood premiered his first full scale classical piece called Popcorn Superhet Receiver tonight in san francisco. Tomorrow Jonny's main project, Radiohead, is headlining Outside Lands Festival and being the first band to ever play in golden gate park at night. Balcony seats were only fifteen dollars. That started, I suppose, about an hour ago. Fine. So why do I feel like shit? I shouldn't. I feel like one of those brats who doesn't get one tiny thing that he wants and troughs a fit over it. I am after all going to see day one of outside lands tomorrow. I don't want to feel this way but I do, so what can I do. Because I watched these tickets. I found out about the performance two weeks before tickets went on sale. I spared the word looking for someone to go with. Parker seemed very excited about it. But I was screwed over by the tickets. Because they were available only by will call meaning that the person whos name is on the credit card needed to be there to pick the tickets up. My mom didn't want to drive me and parker into the city that day so that was out. So we could still buy them by going into the city before hand and getting the physical ticket. That was supposed to be monday. I even agreed to work on the rotoscopeing for my short films (a very painful and time consuming aspect of special effect post-production) so my mom would drive me in. But then after three hours of trying to get her out the door I realized that she wasn't going to drive me in like she said she would. So I was screwed there. But I could go in by myself to purchase the tickets but since we had no cash in the house, (not even thirty fucking dollars) I asked my mom to go withdraw some of my money from the bank so I could get the tickets but she didn't. So I was screwed there. I asked Parker to buy the tickets but he called me back the next day telling me he couldn't, not that I was really surprised. My mom assured me that I could purchase at the door. I figured that I could buy with the credit card and show my id as her son and get the tickets. But it was too late they were sold out. I looked on craigs list but nothing materialized there either. And so here I am. feeling as about to explode. Because I did everything in my power but I was completely powerless. and you know even had i got the tickets parker would have then informed me that he couldn't go and I would be screwed again i bet. this is not something to feel this way about GODDAMN. but I can't shake it.

let me tell you bout my baby

Spoonful Weighs a Ton

I need recording equipment. Because right now I'm not capable of writing songs. no thats not true but when I do put down songs they end up as light elliott smith and nick drake mixed with the national stuff. and I scrap it before the song is half way finished. not that theres anything wrong with that but its not what I feel. I sit down with my guitar and what comes out is feed back and distortion and noise and anger and its all just flowing from my fingers but i stand up and its gone from me. how can I make that into a song? i cant go to johns because I don't know if I could replicate it in front of anyone. i need to be able to commit that to tape in my garage when it comes so i can hear it later and do something with it

being drunk on their plan, they lifted up the son

New Rose

A week and a half ago Parker asked me why I like what he called unlistenable music. By that he means music with little mellody, high distortion, etc. So I made him a tape and cd

Mix 5/11/08

Side A
Heroin - Velvet Underground
Never Understand - Jesus and Mary Chain
Clash City Rockers - The Clash
Nothing to Say - SoundGarden
Teen Creeps - No Age
Paper Cuts - Nirvana
Impressions [excerpt] - John Coltrane
Like Calling Up Thunder - Gun Club
Sweet Sunshine - Beck

Side B
If You Found This Its Probably Too Late - Arctic Monkeys
Shut the Door - Fugazi
Ventilator Blues - The Rolling Stones
Tuff Gnarl - Sonic Youth
Dazed and Confused - Led Zeppelin
Bone Machine - Pixies
Bodies - Sex Pistols
Skunk - Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
Settle for Nothing - Rage Against the Machine
New Rose - The Damned
Judy is a Punk - The Ramones
Filter - Minor Threat
I Don't Want to Here It - Minor Threat

don't get too close or it'll burn your eyes

Teen Creeps

ok so i looked back at all my blog posts and it scares me because so much of what i say is total crap and i know its crap now but then i said it with such seriousness not because i was stupid but because i was ignorant there was no way i could have known back then what i know now so thats ok but it really tares me up because how much of what i wright and what i think and what i say is bull shit that i just dont know enough to realize and i think it must be that way because it was that way it has been for every other period in my life in january i had a thought that i was in a good place that i was relatively sane that i had it together but i was wrong i was was an idiot. I had that same thought this week but I'm wrong.

wash away what we create