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Its been a long time since I thought about philosophy. I've defined myself as a Nihilist for about a year and a half now, or something like that, and that was good enough for me. I could believe in nothing, breathe easy, be free. But Adrians been bringing it up again and been getting on my case for being a solid Nihilist, it isn't what I think it is he said, that I am infact an absurdest. So I finally did some research and, of Wikipeadia, found this chart:

(Simplified) Relationship between existentialism, absurdism and nihilism

	Atheistic existentialism	Theistic existentialism	Absurdism	Nihilism
1. There is such a thing as meaning or value	Yes	Yes	Yes	No
2. There is inherent meaning in the universe (either intrinsic or from God)	No	Maybe, but humans must have faith to believe there is	Maybe, but humans can never know it	No
3. Individuals can create meaning in life themselves	Yes, it is essential that they do	Yes, but that meaning must incorporate God	Yes, but it is not essential	No, because there is no such meaning to create
4. The pursuit of intrinsic or extrinsic meaning in the universe is possible	No, and the pursuit itself is meaningless	Yes, and the pursuit itself may have meaning	No, but the pursuit itself may have meaning	No, and the pursuit itself is meaningless
5. The pursuit of constructed meaning is possible	Yes, thus the goal of existentialism	Yes, thus the goal of existentialism	Maybe	No
6. There is a solution to the individual's desire to seek meaning	Yes, the creation of one's own meaning	Yes, the creation of one's own meaning before God	Yes, the acknowledgement and embracing of absurdity	No

If anything, I probably fall closest to Atheistic Existentialism here but there should be a fifth row called "Stuarts current thoughts". 1. would be left blank, 2. No, 3. left blank, 4. No, 5. left blank, 6. No.

In recap, I have no idea if meaning exists. I'm not even sure what "meaning" means anymore. My persuit of anger and passion and truth, does that constitute as a "meaning of life" for me? What about other cases? is an asshole who decides his goal in life is to fuck as many girls as possible creating his own meaning? I'm convinced there is no intrinsic absolute purpos to exsistance, and thats all I know. And really, I do want to go around to everybody talking about signs and portents or patterns and religion and astrology and yell at them "IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING AT ALL" and I want to go around to girls and people I hate or want to forget and shout "YOU DON'T MEAN ANYTHING AT ALL"

And also when it comes down to it I don't believe in anything. I don't believe in anything. and I don't believe it matters that much.

there is love in you