Only Shallow

My sleeplessness has lapsed from a cronicly upset sleeping pattern into genuine insomnia. I didn't sleep suday night and I didn't sleep last night making it two all nighters with one night of sleep in between. Its rediculous. I don't know what to do about it. Besides taking an effect on my health and mental well being it also afects my earnings as my vocals are shot one days where I haven't gotten sleep and the following day I tend to be to tired to do much of anything at all. Besides, no one wants to drop monney in the case of a kid with bright red eyes and huge bags underneath. Fuck.

This is a weird thing to shove in the same post as it is compleatly unrelated. I've finaly droped my stance on drugs. Which is to say I've gotten so pissed off at everything that I just don't care anymore. How can pot be more fucked up and ilusionary then what I'm doing to my self anyway? Really all my old thoughts stand but I just don't care anymore. and I doubt that I'll ever do it with my theater friends because it just seems so fucking mundain with them, so fucking boring and self indulgent. Still I want to try everything, I want to experience it all and maybe see how close to bottoming out I can get.

Pablo Picasso - "Glass of Absinthe"

look in the mirror shes not there

Boy Void

A study in rock iconography.

P.S. I need to get thouse suglasses that the Jesus And Mary Chain have

why don't you try these feilds across my eye

Cold Brains

I made a mix the week I came back to the city from california. I was kinda a bit split from indie and listening to music with more alturnitive tendacys. Half way through the second side I stoped and decided I needed all my vinyl records to compleat the tape. I wanted to put on Patti Smith and The Doors and Arcade Fire but my records didn't come for two months and when they did my listening happets were fermly griped in the striped down rather then the high reaching feel of this tape. I finaly got around to finnishing it and I don't know how much I like it. There still is a contrast. None the less I recorded it to the computer so you could listen too it and for archival purpouses. Just click the links below

Side A

Side B

Mix

Side A 12/3/08

Common People - Pulp

If You Were There Beware - Arctic Monkeys

Cold Brains - Beck

And Your Bird Can Sing - The Beatles

Title Track - Death Cab For Cutie

Split Needles (Alt Version) - The Shins

Godless - The Dandy Worhols

Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine - The Killers

Side B 12/7/08 and 3/23/09

Little Bird - The White Stripes

The National Anthem - Radiohead

Undertoe - R.E.M.

Cactus - Pixies

Holiday - Atlas Sound

Peace Frog - The Doors

Everybody's Down - No Age

Take Me To The River - Talking Heads

untouched, unglued 

Miles Away

I love and hate my memory. Its definatly a good memory I know I can recal the layout of the house  I lived in in New Jersey even though I haven't been inside it since I was four years old. But it doesn't work for everything. I have no head for names or faces, sometimes I'll need to be introuduced to someone four times. I don't know what I said to people, to the extent that I often tell Adrian the same story three times over the couse of a week. I used to joke that I can memorize anything without trying as long as the information was useless. But heres the brillient thing: my memory for music is infinite. The first song I memorized, not including the musicals I did as a kid, was I Am The Walrus. I still know all the words by heart. But thats not fair I guess as I listen to the album its on pretty frequently. My first post Beatle's band was Green Day. I have not listened to American Ideot once in the last four years and I still know all the words to Jesus Of Suberbia. I can still tell you the words to a song I sang in a musical when I was in sixed grade. Looking at all of this it seems like braging but theres a point I want to make. I will never forget music and because of that every record I get to know is an addition. Another influence on my music. Every CD I buy and absorb is an investment that stays with me forever. And because of that I can just move forward forever without haveing to back track. A lot of old people I know just listen to they're old music because they have forgoten it and need to rediscover it. But as I grow older my music can just grow. It's a couple hundred albums worth right now but in two years that could double. By the time I graduate collage I could have thoulsands of influences I can call up. There is just so much good music out there just waiting for me to discover it. And I'm out to get it all. And I can't wait.

dressed again in all her wonder/and your more beautiful then ever

Plastic or How To Catch An Explosion With A Soul

Underground music is a study in movement. the biggest bitch of all us subterainians is when a band we like gets big. Ten million hipsters complained about the Arcade Fire and Death Cab for Cutie. worce of course is when a scene gets big. I think this is good for music. 19nindyone hit and nirvana drags alternitive and heaver post punk into the lime light. bands like sonic youth and Dinosaur Jr. become big at rapid paces and the underground drops punk all together to start concentrating on post rock and lo fi. Garden state hits in 2kfive and the shins change your life with iron and wine and Alixi Murdoch and it becomes a moment of contention and signles the rise of new weird america and the post-punk resurection. it moves us forward. anger against the mainstreem wile often misplaced and largly a tenent of douche bags brings about change. I like animal collective, i do, but I hope tehy get famous and I hope it happons soon because I'm sick of it. You've started using your sounds as a gimic starting with strawberry jam, just a back up to what would probably get across ever better on acoustic guitar. before that the presentation was a necesary part of the songs. your tunes are still good don't get me wrong but you anoiy me. fleet foxes and I'm sory jackie but dr. dog as well are nostalgic which is a potent anti-art and they lay it on thick. fleet foxes will get famous and thats good so we can be done with it. Maybe we could then get ourselves something with passion outside of the yelps of wolf parade something thats unafraid of being cleque and something taht is afraid as fuck of being ironic as a defence. something experimental without walking in circles or doing it just for the sake of being experimental. something that can blow our minds back open hell even something tht can destroy the underground. I think 'teenage angst', a term we should abanden because of its patronizing overtones, is good. is powerful is pure. I think calling it imature or clieque is a defence as to not put yourself out there as vunerable. I think diching a band becasue they get big is imature. I think irony and overt sentimentality for the past are anti-arts. I think gental music can move you and change you but only loud music and passion can set you free.

don't you know life turns me

Travel Song

what a few days. goddamn. I want to write that post on talent, I've been meaning too for, what, three weeks? something like that. It's not in me today thought. insomnia is killing me but its a great creative tool i think. I wish I could play guitar now, the whole complex would probably yell at me though.  what am I saying? what am I trying to say? I think I'm having a breakdown but oddly. stop-start. mostly in the mornings. well the afternoons. I don't even know mornings anymore. the evenings and even through the late nights I'm together.and its slow or not slow but continueous. three weeks I think since my stolen spot and the nine i hate everything days with adrian. I hate how fragile I have become as if anything can tip me over into this altered state where my mind is not my own of depression anger dread stress and withdrawl. FUCK. was this a mistake? I mean. Why am I here? would I be breaking down in california? my mom says I would be. and what happons when I have broken down copleatly? shoudln't I gain acceptance? bottom out like I hope? or will I continue to break apart at the begining of all my days 

we're just held together by calenders and sex

Fiery Crash

Stayed up all last night for the third time in two weeks, and thats after going almost a year without. This insomnia is killing me. I know its as a result of my stress but its quickly becoming the main artical of it. anyway at 4:30 in the morning when it became clear that I wasn't going to be able to get any sleep I was full of all sorts of goddamn angst. I have a couple ways to deal with that. One is talking to someone but everyone on both sides of the country was asleep or going to be real soon. Another is playing guitar real loud but the rest of the apartment complex wouldn't apreciate it. The third is, you guessed it, a mix tape. Didn't take the nessesary steps when making it because I didn't give a damn at that point so there are some volume issues, but it meant it took me half the time to make the tape. Used three tracks from daytrotter because its now my primary sourse of new music in my curent personal finacial crysis. I then recorded it from the cassette onto the computer. So, for anyone interested:

Side A

Side B

(1pm: my fucking stereo recever broke. Compleatly. Six hundred fucking dollars down the drain there. Fuck this day)

Mix 3/10/09

Side A

2:45am - Elliott Smith

World At Large - Modest Mouse

Fiery Crash - Andrew Bird

Searching for Mr. Right - Young Marble Giants

Activa - Deerhunter

Laughing - R.E.M.

Just Like Honey - The Jesus and Mary Chain

Side B

(She's in a) Bad Mood - Sonic Youth

Dub Housing - Pere Ubu

The Sound of Settling - Death Cab For Cutie

Only One Who Knows - Arctic Monkeys

Where is My Mind? - Pixies

Sludgefest - Dinosaur Jr.

Fucked For Life - Dirty Projectors

Turn On Me - The Shins

something apropos, I don't know